I hate how I feel right now.

I just feel eh. I mean, it's like my brain overloaded with too much information and exploded and I'm left just feeling nothing. It's like nothing and everything at the same time. I don't know. I guess I'm sort of debating whether or not to go to church with MVOP tomorrow. Churches that MVOP go to start really late (we are meeting at 10, probably won't meet until 10:30, and church won't be starting until 11 or something), and goes on for 2 and a half hours, whereas I'm used to church being done with by 11:30 or so after about an hour and a half long service. Maybe even earlier. And the thing is, I get so much more out of the shorter services than the longer services. I don't want to call the churches Black churches because that seems wrong in my mind for some reason, but I guess predominantly African American churches are like that. I'd rather go to church with Dustin tomorrow and lie about not feeling well or even purposefully oversleeping. Going to church with MVOP feels more like a burden because the last few times I went with them I got nothing out of it. I get more out of Bible Study or IV. Plus the Packer game is on at noon tomorrow, and it's an important game. In Green Bay, church always ends before noon. Dustin who is VERY spiritually active I'm sure is thinking "This guy is not in tune with Christ" but church going in Green Bay is a lot different than church going in Decatur for about 4 months out of the year, because you don't have a team that is so much a part of the town and brings the town together.

It's not like I don't like going to church but I dont' know. I'm just getting a eh feeling. I'm thinking about just driving and going to a church tomorrow. Or something like that. Someplace where I won't fall asleep since the speaker stops after every two words and explains things in ways I don't understand. But to give that credit it's a lot more interesting that SOME churches I've been too. I'd rather go someplace like Bethel, or GBCC. Hartland, where Dustin used to go, sounds a LOT like Bayside, and has 180 and stuff. Too flashy for me there. GBCC is almost the limit. My ideal church is a great worship service and a great speaker. GBCC has a great worship service and an ok speaker. Bethel had an ok worship service and a great speaker when I was there. I need someplace like that combined. Hmm. There was always that list of churches at IV, and I remember some of the names of them, maybe I'll look in the phone book and just drive to one of them tomorrow. I think that's why I'm feeling the way about MVOP church days. I don't get anything out of the service and it just makes me feel outcast when I see all these people weeping and jumping up and down and I'm not feeling anything. I'd rather go someplace and learn and go deeper in my relationship with Christ, like I've been doing lately. If anyone at MVOP asks I'll just let on a white lie or something; I mean I feel kind of bad but 1. I want to learn something when I go to church not be bored and 2. I dont' want to miss the football game.

I feel better now.