OK my mom always talks TOTALLY random stuff when she's half asleep sleeping on the couch after drinking her daily dose of wine (yeah I know it's not alcoholism but it's enough to annoy me and it takes a LOT to annoy me but that's another story). ANYHOO, she's going to rockfest to see dad tomorrow, and she needs to get up at like 6 in the morning. Well it's 10:30 and she's asleep on the couch so I'm pulling her saying "mom you need to get up" and she's like "I need a red whisky please." She doesn't even drink hard liquor. Heres the basic conversation:

Me: "Mom, you need to go to your bed and go to sleep. It's 10:30!"
Mom: "I need a read whisky please"
Me: "You need a red whisky."
Mom: "Yeah."
(I go to write this down in the kitchen laughing)
Me: "OK you need to go to bed."
(I pull her legs off the couch but she pulls them back and one sandal falls off)
Mom: "Pick up my shoe"
Me: "No, you need to go to bed."
Mom: "Spence, dont' make me mad or I'll cancel the whole nine yards."
Me: "What are you going to cancel?"
Mom: "Your breakfast."

Yeah there have been many conversations like that. My favorite is still the time where I was like 13 and asked my mom 'Mom, can I go to the mall?' and she's like "yeah" and I'm like "can I drive" and she's like "yeah" and I asked "how fast can I go" and she says "110."